need to poop at office
enter stall, about to begin
coworker (let's call him Jim) walks in and enters stall next to me
recognize his shoes, zero chance he doesn't recognize mine
both let out a few blasts of farts, but no pooping
one of us eventually surrenders and leaves, full of poop
later we have to interact at work like nothing happened, knowing full well what happened in there, one of us literally full of shit
why can't CEOs just give us private restrooms? this shit is a humiliation ritual
I work from home on Fridays.
Jim was just testing you for homosexual stuff if you're interested later. No judgement either way I don't care but replied to your thread so maybe that makes me a little homo? Cool I'm a minority now. Me in Kamala's America in an alternate universe is probably doing well. Yeah, I don't mind the tariffs here still.
just take a shit lol. It's not that deep bro
Lower your cortisol. The other day I mogged the CEO at the urinal by carrying on a conversation with him while blasting piss and he couldn't go. I think that means I run the company now
Damn, that sucks, bro.
Thanks God crypto saved me from this kind of humiliation.
>one of us eventually surrenders and leaves, full of poop
Who blinked?
This is why you need Fartcoin.
At the office I work in most bathrooms are single seaters.
Get a real job
This is why I shit behind the building
We know. Prices will be going up soon.
Work from home
Company wide meeting
Have to go take a massive diarrhea dump
Meeting is important, cant miss anything
Keep my wireless headset on while taking a shit
I somewhy clicked unmute when I left the pc
jim was in the wrong
you don't poop second
Holy shit that's my personal nightmare
If i saw this in a restroom, i would peepee and doodoo on it
somewhy
I kid you not, during a daily meeting one of our new coworkers joined the video call without his camera on, and after he gave his update his camera flipped on and he there was full view of his crotch as he was wiping his ass above the toilet. About five seconds went by, some people were visibly laughing or in shock, and he suddenly looked at the screen in horror and flipped the lid of the laptop down and he dropped from the meeting. Later he typed in slack "sick as a dog won't make it in today".
I once went to one of those all gender restrooms. It was a personal restroom for one person, i wait my turn and the door opens and out comes out comes one of the hottest girls i ever seen. As i start sitting on the toilet i noticed the top of the waste basket has a paper with pee on it, the way its shape it clearly came from a girl. For a good minute or two i seriously debated if i should sniff the paper but i was like man i really dont wanna be that guy so i didn't.
I always fake-shit on company time, and last time my boss made it an issue, i literally just let out a fucking hard ripped fart right infront of him, and pretend I had to go run to the bathroom.
I know how to save-up farts, and make them really loud, without needing to shit. Its an art. Anyone questions or looks at me, i fart, and go.
Also, when my boss smell checks or has his flying monkeys to come check, i fart real loud like king-ass-ripper on youtube and let out some grunts or sounds shuffling my feet. But there is no real shit.
You need to master the art of wasting company time and getting paid. There is more than just fake farting.
mutts do this to each other and then proceed to call other countries “low trust societies”
Only soft feminine men work in offices
You should've started screaming and forcing yourself to shit your own guts out to assert dominance. The lion deathsharts when the small dog poos.
One of my retarded coworkers (the guy that sits next to me) tried striking up a conversation woth me while we were both shitting once
Have fun banging rocks or whatever gay shit you do while I watch asmongold and play candy crush in the air conditioning all day for $32/hr
have to pee
it's 2 urinals side by side
oh no there's a guy at the urinal
go to the stalls instead
it's 3 stalls, 2 on each side are taken with guys pooping
kick open the middle stall
kick the seat up with my shoe
pull down pants
let out a huge loud fart (shaved my ass cheeks and there's no hair to buffer it)
guy next to me blows out a gasp of air in shock
i start to laugh, can't breathe because trying not to laugh
pee as loud and hard as i can into the water
flush with my shoe
guy who was peeing in the urinal books it without washing his hands
wash up
grin and chuckle about it for a few hours
zoomer shows up with braindead input
>pull down pants
>let out a huge loud fart (shaved my ass cheeks and there's no hair to buffer it)
if you really want to get promoted you do this at the urinal
work at giant bank
it's full of pajeets
half of them don't wash their hands
I only shake hands with white, Hispanic, and Asian men. Niggers and jeets don't wash their hands
I’ll take “shit that never happens” for 1k link
Middle toilet is the only available one (it's the disabled toilet)
Do my business
Germophobe so always grab a square of tp to handle opening/closing the lid
Slip and accidentally let it slam, making the loudest BANG in the office
Hear a gasp in one cubicle and a "Jesus Christ" in the other
Get embarrassed and walk out in the blink of an eye, hopefully they thought it was a disabled person doing that
As I was saying we need to restructure
*BRAAAAAAAP*
our market strategies
recognize his shoes
Why not build a regular normal wall that connects from floor to roof?
Based. This is a good litmus test to spot commies
Bro did he leave? That's comedy
You chose wisely. Sniffing degens is not the way
Just prop the door open or leave the door unlatched for the next guy when you leave. I see this being done at starbucks in cities where they have a door that you need to enter a code from a receipt.
Ur bragging about 90k/yr to do jackshit? Brother how do u cope
Sadly every fart is a thumbprint and the FBI can track it so they knew
both let out a few blasts of farts, but no pooping
This to me is a signal of an unwell digestive system, which is probably caused by a bad diet. Unless you were both psychologically blocked because of the unpleasant situation.
I used to eat a lot of junk and had similar problems, I started taking care of it and now whenever I get an urge to poop I sit for a maximum of 1 minute on the toilet before pooping, it's quite satisfying and consistent.
Fix your diet, your future body will thank you massively, it affects everything.
Nigga we invented low trust societies.
We literally spent 250 years trying to integrate blacks, got tired of trying, then gave up, made them gods and then imported every other community in the world just to fuck with everyone. And we exported it.
being able to open your anus in the immediate vincinity of another man
hylic normies are just fucking soulless and latently gay
Fart during a teams meeting so hard your icon flickers
Anon did you want to say something?
Nope.