Need to poop at office

We know. Prices will be going up soon.

Work from home

Company wide meeting

Have to go take a massive diarrhea dump

Meeting is important, cant miss anything

Keep my wireless headset on while taking a shit

I somewhy clicked unmute when I left the pc

jim was in the wrong
you don't poop second

Holy shit that's my personal nightmare

If i saw this in a restroom, i would peepee and doodoo on it

somewhy

I kid you not, during a daily meeting one of our new coworkers joined the video call without his camera on, and after he gave his update his camera flipped on and he there was full view of his crotch as he was wiping his ass above the toilet. About five seconds went by, some people were visibly laughing or in shock, and he suddenly looked at the screen in horror and flipped the lid of the laptop down and he dropped from the meeting. Later he typed in slack "sick as a dog won't make it in today".

I once went to one of those all gender restrooms. It was a personal restroom for one person, i wait my turn and the door opens and out comes out comes one of the hottest girls i ever seen. As i start sitting on the toilet i noticed the top of the waste basket has a paper with pee on it, the way its shape it clearly came from a girl. For a good minute or two i seriously debated if i should sniff the paper but i was like man i really dont wanna be that guy so i didn't.

I always fake-shit on company time, and last time my boss made it an issue, i literally just let out a fucking hard ripped fart right infront of him, and pretend I had to go run to the bathroom.

I know how to save-up farts, and make them really loud, without needing to shit. Its an art. Anyone questions or looks at me, i fart, and go.

Also, when my boss smell checks or has his flying monkeys to come check, i fart real loud like king-ass-ripper on youtube and let out some grunts or sounds shuffling my feet. But there is no real shit.

You need to master the art of wasting company time and getting paid. There is more than just fake farting.

mutts do this to each other and then proceed to call other countries “low trust societies”

Only soft feminine men work in offices

You should've started screaming and forcing yourself to shit your own guts out to assert dominance. The lion deathsharts when the small dog poos.

One of my retarded coworkers (the guy that sits next to me) tried striking up a conversation woth me while we were both shitting once

Have fun banging rocks or whatever gay shit you do while I watch asmongold and play candy crush in the air conditioning all day for $32/hr

have to pee

it's 2 urinals side by side

oh no there's a guy at the urinal

go to the stalls instead

it's 3 stalls, 2 on each side are taken with guys pooping

kick open the middle stall

kick the seat up with my shoe

pull down pants

let out a huge loud fart (shaved my ass cheeks and there's no hair to buffer it)

guy next to me blows out a gasp of air in shock

i start to laugh, can't breathe because trying not to laugh

pee as loud and hard as i can into the water

flush with my shoe

guy who was peeing in the urinal books it without washing his hands

wash up

grin and chuckle about it for a few hours

zoomer shows up with braindead input

>pull down pants

>let out a huge loud fart (shaved my ass cheeks and there's no hair to buffer it)

if you really want to get promoted you do this at the urinal

work at giant bank

it's full of pajeets

half of them don't wash their hands

I only shake hands with white, Hispanic, and Asian men. Niggers and jeets don't wash their hands

I’ll take “shit that never happens” for 1k link

Middle toilet is the only available one (it's the disabled toilet)

Do my business

Germophobe so always grab a square of tp to handle opening/closing the lid

Slip and accidentally let it slam, making the loudest BANG in the office

Hear a gasp in one cubicle and a "Jesus Christ" in the other

Get embarrassed and walk out in the blink of an eye, hopefully they thought it was a disabled person doing that

As I was saying we need to restructure

*BRAAAAAAAP*

our market strategies

recognize his shoes

Why not build a regular normal wall that connects from floor to roof?

Based. This is a good litmus test to spot commies

Bro did he leave? That's comedy

You chose wisely. Sniffing degens is not the way

Just prop the door open or leave the door unlatched for the next guy when you leave. I see this being done at starbucks in cities where they have a door that you need to enter a code from a receipt.

Ur bragging about 90k/yr to do jackshit? Brother how do u cope

Sadly every fart is a thumbprint and the FBI can track it so they knew

both let out a few blasts of farts, but no pooping

This to me is a signal of an unwell digestive system, which is probably caused by a bad diet. Unless you were both psychologically blocked because of the unpleasant situation.

I used to eat a lot of junk and had similar problems, I started taking care of it and now whenever I get an urge to poop I sit for a maximum of 1 minute on the toilet before pooping, it's quite satisfying and consistent.

Fix your diet, your future body will thank you massively, it affects everything.

Nigga we invented low trust societies.
We literally spent 250 years trying to integrate blacks, got tired of trying, then gave up, made them gods and then imported every other community in the world just to fuck with everyone. And we exported it.

being able to open your anus in the immediate vincinity of another man

hylic normies are just fucking soulless and latently gay

Fart during a teams meeting so hard your icon flickers

Anon did you want to say something?

Nope.