Newfag to Anon Babble, need investment advice

I skimped and scraped my way to 18k over the course of the past year. Did it by applying the boomer dave ramsey technique which consisted of driving a shitbox, working extra hours and eating rice, beans and ramen for 11 exhausting months. I'm not very savvy when it comes to finance bro lingo or anything related to stocks, index funds, etf's or whatever, but I cannot just let my money rot in a 4% APY savings account any longer. I need some solid direction. Not asking for a fucking lecture, just any sort of nod towards what I could use to maximize its growth. I refuse to ask on reddit as well. Thanks.

Normally I would say put 17k of that in high-yield savings or an Index fund, and play with the extra 1k with whatever you personally want.
But these are different times. Buy Gold and Silver. Plus they are nice to hold and post in the /pmg/

Also check the /smg/ threads for more info on the above. They usually have good info, even if they are slow. They are most busy 6am-12pm Mon-Fri.

Don't listen to this jeet. He posts this in every thread for the past month.

Sorry, but as I stated above, Im pretty retarded with finance bro lingo. I havent a clue as to what you just wrote. Very sorry, but could you repeat that as if you were talking to a 5yo child? Ty.

Not trying to shill for anything or downplay metals, but hasnt silver been dramatically falling in price for decades now and gold just spiked recently because I saw a bunch of people talking about how everyones selling it off right now? My luck is terrible and I'd hate to buy at it's peak.

Are you on tg?

It's only been out for 4 days retard and people are making solid gains check the chart

A big shiny gold bar to stick up your ass and keep safe.
Or probably something like SGOV/t-bills or boomershit like SCHD and wait until you see something better once Trump kys

I dont know what tg is.

That's a fair point, and something to consider if your main concern is risk. You can't really go wrong with Gold. It's very stable. Not to lecture, but there is always going to be risk involved. But a 18k bar of Gold would probably look pretty nice on your desk. And then just accumulate until the collapse (if the bears are correct), sell it off a bit, and buy some dips.

I wonder if costco is still selling those gold ounces lol

Safe: diversify.
Put 20% in p2p lending like Prosper or Lendingclub (8%+ return)
20% in Vanguard VOO (24% last year)
20% in silver
20% in Tesla (lol)
20% in bitcoin

Skitzo Anon Babble manoeuvre:
Buy 18k worth of Ethereum

Do you have 6 months of living expenses ALSO saved up? That's the real MVP play, you have no money to invest if you can't live without income for ~6 months.

telegram

I live in a studio with the next 6 months paid for in advance. I always hated bills and prefer to pay them outright. My total per month spent on necessities is around $700. So yeah I'd be perfectly ok for any foreseeable future.

Yes I do.

Ill check it all out. Why would you recommend tesla though? Their main customer base flipped a switch and claim all owners are nazis now. Stock is down over 30% this year. Maybe this is the perfect time to buy or something? Idfk.

what's the @

Hey bud, this just dropped in Anon Babble --- take a look, do with this information what you will. Godspeed.

Why would you recommend tesla though? Stock is down over 30% this year.

Yeah exactly. Buy low, sell high.
Same with Ethereum.

I skimped and scraped my way to 18k

Good job Anon, not easy to save up that amount of cash in these days. You should be proud.

I guess I just thought that itll continue to drop until it crashes completely or libshits stop calling everyone nazis.

Thanks buddha!

bitcoin is your new savings account. buy 1k worth a week over the next 18 weeks. ignore all volatility, its meaningless as you wont be selling for minimum 10 years(preferably 20 years or never)

never touch alts unless you're willing to dedicate a large portion of your life learning the market. basically 1-3 hours of studying every day forever minimum

diversify is how you preserve wealth. concentrated bets is how you grow your wealth

Well the best opportunities appear when prices dip for stupid reasons, usually based on emotions. This Tesla chimpout is a good example. Another example was Brexit - big dips, panic sells, then the market bounced back almost immediately. Made a lot of money off the "Brexit Bounce". Also the Trump bounce (both times).
I hope you remember this post when Tesla bounces.

Fuck it, I'll take the risk. Ill put 4k in Tesla. I dont think Elon will let his baby go so easily. Do you recommend a specific brokerage account?

You’re a fucking street shitter spammer

Yeah, I totally understand. I guess my monkey brain is trying to conserve resources, but no one ever got paid by stuffing money in a mattress.

People who stuff money in mattresses end up alone then die alone, then their relatives cut their mattresses up to see if they have any cash hidden from them.